Real Chance of Love, Episode 7: Motherhood

7 12 2008

The girls had to prove their abilities as a mother this week by performing in a talent show with some kid. Of note: This episode was sponsored by Plan B, the emergency contraceptive better known as the “morning-after pill”. Dude. DUDE.

A bunch of kids are rounded up from somewhere and assigned to each girl at random. My boyfriend asks, “Who would let their kid do this?” I reply that I would volunteer my kid without hesitation. I guess he won’t be impregnating me anytime soon.

Bay Bay Bay’s kid is awesome and unleashes every curse word he knows as soon as he gets a chance. Meanwhile, Bay Bay Bay still sucks. Their eventual “talent” for the show is armpit farts, performed to the tune of the ABCs. Cornfed and Bubbles win the challenge by being adorable with their children. After the shows, Bay Bay Bay has a discussion with K.O. and informs her that, as a mother, she will let her kid do any farts he likes.

Milf goes to Real and cries about her son in some effort to garner sympathy, or maybe to compensate for losing the motherhood challenge. Either way, it’s not working.

Cornfed and Bubbles go on their date with Real and Chance, a typical dinner and mandolin affair.  I should note that Cornfed correctly identified the mandolinist as such, which probably puts her leaps and bounds ahead of the other girls (and perhaps myself) in intelligence. Her and Real spend much of the date making out, while Bubbles and Chance make everything awkward just yards away from them. Bubbles is crying about how she might not be ready for a relationship with Chance because she’s not over her last boyfriend or something, and this is incredibly distressing to me because it makes her seem human. I liked her better when she was an adorable moron. Please stop having real emotions, Bubbles. Shit.

The girls return from their date and Cornfed gushes about how great it was to the other girls. Bay Bay Bay continues her irrational jealousy because she is an androgynous muppet stick figure and Real doesn’t find her sexy.

Milf puts on an ill-fitting red leather outfit in a desperate last ditch effort to not get eliminated. By the way, who the fuck is Risky?

Elimination: Chance and Real choose Cali and Cornfed as their first picks. Chance’s last chain goes to Rabbit, and he eliminates Bubbles. It is a sad day. Real’s choice comes down to Milf and Bay Bay Bay. It is at this point that I realize Milf is still wearing her hideous red leather outfit. She gets a chain, maybe because Real is easily impressed. He calls Bay Bay Bay down, and in a SURPRISE TWIST offers her a “invisible chain” that doesn’t really exist. She accepts, of course. What the fuck else is she gonna do?

Probably the best part of this show is the awesome preview for next week, in which Real and Chance beat the shit out of a guy in a jealous rage, then get arrested.

Bubbles

Bubbles, I miss you already 😦

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