Sharon vs. Megan! Also, Rock of Love Bus is drunker than ever.

So I guess part of the big news from last weekend was Sharon’s fight with Megan on the Rock of Love Charm School reunion. Here’s a video if you missed out:

There is probably a bit more to this fight that we didn’t see, since Megan actually ended up in the hospital afterward. Maybe she was just being a bit over dramatic about it, but I think her story holds some weight — you can see that her hair is pretty wrecked as she’s pulled away from the fight, and the camera cuts to a wide shot with security all over them before we really know what’s going on. It should be noted that, ironically, Sharon eliminated Megan from Charm School for being violent.  Oh ho ho.

In other news, Rock of Love Bus premiered last Sunday night and it exceeded all my expectations. These girls were so drunk and so slutty, my head almost exploded. I am not going to write a full recap of this episode because it was a sea of women and I barely know who’s who yet. However, I feel it’s worth mentioning that Nikki did a shot out of Gia’s vagina. Really. A pussy shot. That’s right.

Eliminated from the first episode of Rock of Love Bus:

From left to right: Heather (not slutty enough), Gia (too slutty), Stephanie (not slutty enough), Nikki (too slutty), and Marci (who?)

Although we may have lost the drunkest and sluttiest, don’t worry! There is still plenty of drunken sluttiness left. But, oh, how I’ll miss Nikki.

Rock of Love Charm School, The Finale: Brandi M. is the winner, Megan continues to be hilarious

I don’t have a lot to say about the Rock of Love Charm School finale. Brandi M. won, and I’m just glad it wasn’t Lacey.

The highlight of this show was most certainly Megan coming back to assist Brandi M. in her final challenge. Brandi C. and Heather were also there, but didn’t make much of a stir.

She was useless as ever, suggesting that Brandi M. dress up as a homeless person (for their challenge of collecting donations for the homeless), drinking champagne and prancing about in a skanky outfit. Oh, it was great. Her attempts to sabotage Brandi M.’s challenge failed, but it was great while it lasted.

I just can’t bring myself to write up a whole recap for this episode. A bunch of stuff happened, I didn’t pay a ton of attention, and all I really want is to watch the reunion episode and Rock of Love Bus. But congratulations to Brandi M. Maybe now people will know her for more than that hilarious barfing scene from the first season of Rock of Love. But I will never forget.

Rock of Love Charm School, Episode 9: Exercise in Futility

This episode was boring and shitty. I watched it three times and still don’t remember large chunks of it, because it was too boring to pay attention. Why did I watch it three times? Probably because I hate myself.

Charm School only has four girls left: Heather, Destiney, Brandi M. and Lacey. They meet with some lady where they talk about some crap, “branding themselves”, I don’t really know. Anyway, they are asked to rate their satisfaction about parts of their lives in terms of categories like “family”, “sex”, etc. This is where all the shit hits the fan and the dumbest, most unnecessary argument EVER begins.

Heather accuses Destiney and Brandi M. of lying about their dissatisfaction with her sex lives after they both rate their sex lives a 1/10, citing evidence like “Destiney hooked up with the Entertainer!!!!” But if I had sex with the Entertainer, I would be unsatisfied too. What’s the issue here?

This dumbass argument continues on for way too long, Destiney cries a lot and I have to watch Heather yelling back at her while pissing on the toilet, on camera. Really? Heather starts calling people out on anything she can think of, saying some stuff about how Brandi M. lied about being allergic to Megan’s dog, Lily. It is completely irrelevant and nobody cares. This is just like that time she was being attacked at the elimination ceremony and responded with “waaaa but, she spit, waaaaaaa” in a successful attempt to divert everyone’s attention to Brandi C. That only worked once, Heather.

The girls arrive at their challenge, where they have to design a shirt that represents them. Heather takes the challenge a little too literally and puts a large picture of her own face on her shirt, crashing the computer. These jokes write themselves!!!

The girls confront Heather some more in between designing the shirts and presenting them to the judges. I’m not really paying attention anymore.

Brandi M. presents her design at judging, it prominently features an octopus because an octopus will regrow its limbs when they are cut off… and at Charm School she is “regrowing her limbs”. Good one. Heather suggests that there should actually be a new shirt with a different picture of her face on it every month, because one just isn’t enough.

The term “octopussy” is used during the judges commentary, and everyone giggles about it. Hehehe! Pussy! Destiney wins the challenge. I am pleased with this result.

I pretty much blacked out between here and the elimination ceremony, but it’s mostly the girls going to Sharon and talking in circles about the retarded argument that’s been going on between Heather and the rest of the girls for the past two days.

At the elimination ceremony, Heather explains her irrational behavior by saying that she hasn’t been smoking pot, and now she has to deal with her emotions! Okay. She is eliminated, to nobody’s surprise.

Heather, go smoke some weed. For everyone's sake!

Next episode: A fucking recap show. Fuck.